Truth, Dare, and BubbleGum Hair
by Gwendolyn James
Summary: Four people are trapped in a dungeon room overnight... that must be a recipe for Truth or Dare! Includes much snogging, off-key singing, and a pink-haired Snape.


Disclaimer: I am JKR. Bow down to me. ;)

A/N: This fic was a challenge given by the Almighty Seren, Master of the Challenge Station. You rock. Challenge requirements are given at the end of the fic.

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"PEEVES! YOU GIVE THAT BACK RIGHT THIS INSTANT!" 

Snape's irate voice thundered through the corridors as he raced after the poltergeist, his robes billowing around him. Harry and Hermione pressed back against the stone wall as he passed, giving each other an amused look. Peeves had somehow gotten a hold of Snape's wand, and the Potions Master was furious. After the Potions class they had just had, this was quite a way to lift their spirits.

"Too bad Ron skipped this class – he would have loved to see Snape's face!" Harry laughed.

Hermione was trying not to smile, but to no avail. "I suppose he'll get his wand back eventually," she reasoned.

They grinned at each other and continued down the dungeon corridors.

"Hello, Harry," came a dreamy voice.

"Oh, hey, Luna," he replied, his footsteps slowing as she approached them. "Where are you off to?"

"Potions," she sighed. "Such a lovely class, don't you think?"

Hermione snorted, and Harry spoke up before she could say anything. "Er, yeah. Yeah, great class. Have fun," he grinned.

"Thanks, Harry." Luna smiled and moved to step around them, when suddenly Snape came barreling down the passageway.

"PEEEEEEEEVES!"

All three of them spun around to see Snape, his face red and his greasy hair tousled, running right towards them.

CRASH.

Snape plowed into them. Books were flying, arms and legs were flailing, and Harry got kicked in the face by someone, though he wasn't quite sure who.

"PEEVES!" They all screamed, Harry holding a hand over his now bloody nose. All four victims scrambled to their feet and began chasing the giggling poltergeist.

"Catch me if you can!" he sang, holding Snape's wand high above their heads.

They ignored the curious looks of the other students as they ran deeper into the dungeons. Snape was muttering swear words under his breath, and Harry was trying very hard to keep one hand over his nose while running at breakneck speed. Hermione was angrily brandishing her wand, trying to think of a hex that would work on a poltergeist. Luna was running along behind the rest of them, humming merrily to herself.

"Come and get me!" Peeves sniggered. He soared through an open doorway and into an empty room.

They followed him into the dark room and slowed to a stop, breathing heavily. "We've got you now, Peeves," Snape growled. "Give me back my wand or else you will be expelled from this castle once and for all."

"Oh, I don't think so, Snapey-Poo!" Peeves squealed, clutching the wand in his pudgy hand. "You'll never catch me!" And before any of them could react, he zoomed out the door, slamming it behind him.

Snape ran to the door and gave it a pull, stumbling back. "It won't open. Granger!" he snapped. "Give me your wand!"

Hermione handed it over and watched Snape aim it at the door. "_Alohomora!_" Nothing.

"Perhaps it's stuck," Luna said happily.

Snape gave her one of his trademark glares and turned back to the door, trying a variety of spells, none of which produced any results.

"Does thad bean we're stug id here?" Harry asked, still holding his nose.

"What?" Snape looked at him. "Oh, for the love of _Merlin_, Potter." He flicked Hermione's wand, and Harry's nose suddenly stopped bleeding.

"Thanks," Harry muttered. "So, er, are we stuck in here?"

"No," Snape retorted, his face mutinous. He aimed a kick at the offending door, which apparently was made of something strong, considering Snape's shout of pain. "Yes." He raised the wand and lit the candles around the dark room.

"Oh, great!" Hermione muttered angrily. "I have a Charms essay to finish tonight! How am I supposed to get it done if I'm stuck in here?"

"Hermione," Harry raised an eyebrow, "the essay's not due until next week."

"I know that! But I had planned to get it done tonight so I could work on my charts for Ancient Runes and my reading for Arithmancy! Now my schedule is completely off!" She sat down in a corner, her arms across her chest, glaring at everyone and no one.

"I think this will be fun," Luna said cheerfully. "We can play games and eat biscuits and tell stories!"

Snape looked at her like she'd grown another head. "You're can't be serious."

She smiled. "I'm always serious, Professor. Don't you think that would be a good time?"

Snape looked murderous, so Harry stepped in. "It _does_ sound nice, Luna," he agreed. "But does anyone _have_ any food?"

"I have a peppermint in my bag," Hermione muttered from her corner. "Won't last long between the four of us, though."

No one else had any nourishment to speak of either. Snape tried to conjure up something, but using Hermione's wand just wasn't the same as using his own. He turned to the others. "One of you try it."

"Er, I was never very good at Conjuring charms," Harry admitted sheepishly.

Snape didn't seem particularly surprised by this. "Miss Lovegood?"

Luna just shook her head. "We're just learning them, Professor. I haven't mastered them quite yet."

Snape rolled his eyes. "Miss Granger? Surely _you_ have the skill to produce a successful Conjuring charm?"

Hermione pushed herself to her feet and took her wand from Snape. She uttered the incantation, but nothing happened. She tried again with the same results. "Oh, bloody _hell_!" she huffed, throwing her wand on the floor and stomping back to her corner.

Luna started to laugh like mad, clutching her sides as she gasped for breath.

Hermione glared at her. "What is so _funny_?" she snapped. "There's obviously something wrong with the _room_. I am perfectly capable of using a Conjuring charm, thank you very much, but there must be something _else_ stopping my spell from working, so I would appreciate it if you would stop laughing!"

Luna just slid to the floor in a fit of giggles. "You... said... _bloody_... _hell_!" she squealed.

Harry snorted. He had to admit, it was the first time he'd ever heard Hermione swear, and it _was_ quite amusing.

Hermione turned her icy stare on him. "It's not _funny_, Harry."

"Sorry." He bit his lip to keep his laughter inside. "Sorry."

"If you're finished acting like idiots," Snape said imperiously, "we should probably think of a plan to get out of here."

Hermione nodded, with one last glare at Harry and Luna, and hopped to her feet again. "There's obviously some kind of magic in this room that's keeping us here."

"Probably the Headmaster's doing," Snape grumbled. "Crazy old coot."

Hermione's eyes widened. "Professor!" she gasped. "Dumbledore is _not_ a crazy old coot! He's... he's a _genius_!"

"A genius, Miss Granger, but completely off his rocker. Even you have to admit that."

Hermione raised an eyebrow and opened her mouth to reply, but Harry cut her off, feeling that it would be prudent to change the subject. "So, er... how about one of those games?"

"Oh, wonderful!" Luna sighed happily. "I know quite a few games that will amuse us for hours!"

"No," Snape protested moodily. "I will _not_ be a part of your little girl games."

Luna's smile didn't even falter. "Well then, do _you_ have a suggestion for a game we can play?"

"I should think not," he snapped.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Why don't we play a more adult game, then? Will that satisfy you, Professor?"

"I don't _play_ games, Miss Granger."

"Fine. We'll play without you, then." She moved to the center of the room and sat down on the tattered rug. "Harry? Luna? Care to join me?"

Luna sat down beside Hermione and arranged her robes around her delicately. Harry looked apprehensive, but sat on the other side of Luna. "What's the game?"

"Truth or Dare."

"Oh, no!" Harry objected. "I'm _not_ playing that with you! Last time you made me... well, _you_ know what you said... and I'm _still_ scarred from it!"

"_Scarred_ or _scared_?"

Harry glared at her, knowing he couldn't back down from such a blatant challenge. "Fine. I'll play. But I'm only going to be taking Truths! No Dares!"

"Wimp."

Harry's eyes widened at Luna's comment. "I'm not a wimp!"

"Apparently you are, Potter," Snape smirked. "Like a little girl."

"Oh, right. This coming from the one who won't even play at_ all_."

Snape glared at him as he sat down on the rug, completing the circle. "Watch yourself, Potter. You never know what questions I may ask."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I think we'd better lay some ground rules. First, no obscene dares. I am not in the mood to see _anyone's_ knickers." Luna sniggered and was roundly ignored. "Second, everyone has the right to refuse a Truth, but they _have_ to complete a Dare in exchange, and vice versa. Agreed?" Everyone nodded. "Good. I'll start. Luna, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever seen a Crumply-Horned Snorzack, or whatever they're called?"

And so the game began. Pretty soon they had all forgotten their predicament.

"Professor, Truth or Dare?" Harry laughed.

Snape considered for a moment before responding. "Dare."

"Oooh, brave," Hermione teased.

Harry grinned. "I dare you to sing the Hogwarts school song off-key, at the top of your lungs."

Snape looked mutinous, but he wouldn't refuse such an easy dare. "_Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts!_" he warbled, his usually pale face suddenly tinged with pink. Hermione and Harry were rolling on the floor with laughter, and Luna was humming along, somehow keeping up with the random tune.

"Wonderful," Harry gasped, clutching his side. "The most horrendous rendition I've ever heard."

Snape glared at him and smoothed back his greasy hair. "Miss Granger, Truth or Dare?"

Hermione, still recovering from the giggles, sat up and tried to compose herself. "Truth."

"What are your true feelings for Mr. Potter?"

Hermione and Harry looked at each other and burst into laughter once again.

"_What_ is so amusing?" Snape asked, causing them to laugh harder. "You still have to answer the question."

"I know," Hermione sniggered. "I know. But, it's just so absurd!"

"Oh, just admit it, Hermione," Harry laughed. "You're madly in love with me! Can't live without me!"

Snape frowned. "But surely..."

"Harry's my best friend, Professor. He's like a brother to me. Being together would just be... well... _wrong_." She grinned. "Sorry, Harry."

"I'm wounded," he moaned, hand over his heart. "Really, I am. You cut me to the quick, Hermione. How shall I ever go on?"

"You'll survive," she smirked.

"I suppose I'll _have _to. I mean, what would _Ron_ say if he caught us snogging in the broom closet?"

"Probably, _'Why didn't I get there first?_' or something closely related," Snape joked.

Harry laughed. "Sounds about right to me."

Hermione's cheeks turned bright pink. "I don't know what you're talking about." She straightened up and tried to look authoritative. "Truth or Dare, Harry?"

"Sure, change the subject," he grinned. "Truth, then."

"If you could kiss any girl in the school, who would it be?"

His grin faded and his eyes widened. "Er... well... I guess... er... Dare."

"I thought you weren't taking any Dares, Harry?" Hermione teased.

"Changed my mind."

Snape snorted. "Come now, Mr. Potter. You give up too easily. Surely there must be _some_ girl in the school who would have you."

"Yeah, some on, Harry," Hermione piped up. "Don't be a chicken."

Harry glared at her. "You know _perfectly_ well who I'd like to kiss, Hermione," he hissed at her.

"Oh, ho!" Snape laughed. "This should be interesting."

"I think I'll take that Dare now," Harry informed them.

"Are you sure?" Hermione grinned evilly.

Harry hesitated, looking around at his fellow captives. "Er... yes?"

"Convincing," Snape mocked.

"Alright," Hermione said, "I dare you to kiss Luna. On the lips. For five seconds."

Luna, who had been happily twisting her hair into plaits and humming to herself, looked up at the sound of her name. "Hmm? What was that?"

Hermione laughed at Harry's red face. "Yes, what was that, Harry?"

"Haven't we been playing this game long enough?" he muttered. "Time for a new one, I'd say."

"No, no, Potter," Snape smirked. "Can't get out of it _that_ easily. You've got to kiss Miss Lovegood for five seconds, so get on with it."

Luna's eyes widened. "Oh. Well, that's interesting."

Hermione sniggered. "Certainly _is_."

Harry glared at her one last time before turning to Luna. "How about it, then?"

"Alright," she replied serenely. "But you needn't look so terrified. I won't bite."

"Let's hope not," Snape muttered, looking disgusted.

Harry, his face matching his Gryffindor scarf, scooted a few inches closer to Luna, who was still looking as calm and unruffled as ever. He took a deep breath and leaned in.

"One, two," Hermione counted, "three, four, five. Alright, then. Dare completed!"

Harry and Luna were still going at it.

"Er..." Hermione looked curiously at Snape. "Harry? Luna? Your five seconds are up."

No answer.

"Oh, good gods," Snape groaned, moving away from the snogging couple. "That's revolting."

Hermione bit back her laughter and scooted away from Harry and Luna as well. "Er, apparently they're not playing the game anymore. Shall we continue?" She checked her watch. "Merlin! We've been in here for nearly five hours!"

Snape looked at her in disbelief. "You can't be serious. Five hours and _still_ no one's noticed that we're gone? I should have known."

"Oh, stop whining. Someone will find us eventually."

"Three weeks later, starved to death," Snape muttered. "I say we eat the happy couple first. Potter's got a fair bit of meat on his bones."

"Ew," Hermione laughed. "That's awful."

"Desperate times call for desperate measures."

Rolling her eyes, Hermione tucked her knees up under her chin. "Truth or Dare?"

"Don't tell me we're still playing this silly game."

"Do you have any better ideas?"

Snape shook his head. "Truth."

"What's the most dangerous thing you've ever done for the Order?"

He paused and looked at her with a calculating glance. He sighed. "My whole _mission_ for the Order is dangerous, Miss Granger. I hardly expect you to understand."

"Spying on Voldemort, you mean."

"Er, yes," he replied, obviously taken aback. "Yes, spying on the Dark Lord is my unfortunate, and very perilous, task. I am not at liberty to give any more details."

"Fair enough," she smiled. "Your turn."

"Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"Alright. Judging from your friends' reactions... have you really never sworn at anyone before tonight?"

She laughed. "I suppose. I've just never thought it necessary. My parents never allowed it, so I never got into the habit."

"Apparently hanging around Mr. Weasley has rubbed off on you."

"I guess so," she grinned. "Truth or Dare?"

"Dare."

Hermione scrunched up her nose in concentration. "I dare you to turn your hair pink for a week."

Snape looked like he had swallowed poison.

"You can use my wand," Hermione laughed, holding it out.

Snape took it begrudgingly and muttered the incantation. His hair was suddenly bubble-gum pink. Hermione snorted with laughter, and Snape couldn't help but join her. "I'll get my revenge, Miss Granger, just you wait," he promised, "when you least expect it."

"Truth," she said, beating him to the punch.

"How did Sirius get away during your third year?"

Hermione's eyes widened. "No one ever told you?"

"No," he replied, "and I'm very curious to know how he escaped from a secure room at the top of the tower."

"Oh, well, I used the Time-Turner that Professor McGonagall gave me."

Snape nodded. "Ah, yes. I'd forgotten that you were using that for your classes. Interesting. So, you went back in time to save a convicted murderer?"

"He wasn't a murderer and you know it. But yes, we went back in time. We flew Buckbeak up to the window and Sirius climbed out. Easy enough," she grinned.

"My turn," came Harry's voice. He and Luna had apparently taken a break from their snogging session. Grinning like idiots, they both moved to rejoin the circle.

"Nice of you to join us," Hermione winked.

Harry blushed. "Truth or Dare, Hermione?"

"Truth."

"Are you still writing letters to Viktor Krum?"

Snape raised an eyebrow. "Krum? Miss Granger, I'm surprised," he grinned. "No young men in the castle to keep you busy?"

Hermione's jaw dropped and her face turned red. "I... well, I..." she sighed. "No, I am _not_ writing letters to Viktor Krum. Not anymore, at least."

Harry grinned. "I figured as much. Just saying that to make Ron jealous, I assume?"

"That's two questions," she said swiftly. "Luna, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth."

"How long have you fancied Harry?"

Harry blushed again, but Luna merely answered with a smile. "Since the day I first met him." She smiled at Harry, and his blush deepened, if that were even possible.

"Oh, well done, Miss Granger," Snape moaned. "Now they'll be all over each other again and we'll be forced to watch."

Luna smiled. "Truth or Dare, Hermione."

"Why is everyone ganging up on _me_?" Hermione asked with a shake of her head. "Truth, I suppose."

"How long have you been in love with Ron?" Luna grinned.

"Well, I suppose that's enough questions for tonight. Anyone want that peppermint? I think it's still good." She tried to stand, but Harry pulled her back down.

"Can't pass on a question, Hermione, unless you want to take a Dare..."

"Fine," she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "I've been in love with Ron since..." she paused, thoughtful. "Well, since he saved me from the cave troll, I suppose." She sighed. "It was all downhill from there." She stared off into space, lost in her own thoughts.

"Er, Hermione?" Harry waved a hand in front of her face. "Your turn."

She blinked, as if suddenly noticing that there were other people in the room. "Oh, right. Er... Professor, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," he said right away. "No more Dares for me."

"Oh, but pink is such a lovely color on you, Professor," Luna said, nodding appreciatively. "You really should add some color to your wardrobe, you know."

Harry sniggered, and Hermione laughed outright. "Alright," she said, "tell the truth. When was the last time you had a girlfriend?"

Harry couldn't contain his laughter this time. Snape glared at him but didn't answer.

"You can take the Dare, Professor," Luna informed him politely.

"I don't think so," he muttered, gesturing to his pink hair. "Fine. The last time I had a girlfriend..." He paused, thinking, and then mumbled something under his breath.

"Sorry, Professor, didn't catch that," Hermione laughed. "Would you mind repeating it?"

Snape gave her a defiant look, but answered anyway. "Third year. Edna Varner."

"What happened?" Luna asked.

For a moment they thought he wouldn't answer, but he did. "She found a better offer."

Hermione's eyes widened but she held her tongue.

"Your turn," Harry said.

Snape nodded. "Miss Granger, Truth or Dare?"

"Me again?" Hermione grinned. "Alright... Dare."

"Prepare for revenge, Miss Granger," Snape threatened.

"Give me your best shot," she replied impertinently.

"Oh, wait!" Harry interrupted and leaned over to whisper something in Snape's ear. They both laughed and looked over at Hermione.

"No fair!" she cried. "You can't conspire against me!"

"Yes, we can!" Harry said, quite satisfied with himself. "There wasn't anything about conspiracy in the rules!"

Hermione couldn't deny it. "Fine, then. What's your dare?"

Snape grinned wickedly. "You have to stand up and tell us your feelings for Mr. Weasley at the top of your lungs."

Hermione laughed. "Is that it? I already told you how I feel."

"That's the Dare, Hermione," Harry nodded. "Take it or leave it."

"I'll take it." She stood up and brushed her robes off, trying to look as prim and proper as possible in such a situation. Then, taking a deep breath, she shouted, "I LOVE RONALD WEASLEY WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS!"

"Hermione?"

She spun around and clapped a hand over her mouth.

Ron stood in the doorway behind her, his eyes wide. It was hard to say whose face was the reddest.

Harry and Snape suddenly burst into laughter, and Hermione turned on them. "You! You knew he was standing there!"

They just kept laughing. Even Luna joined in, although Hermione wasn't convinced that she knew what she was laughing at.

"I can't believe you let me take that Dare!" Hermione cried, completely mortified by what she'd said She glared angrily at both of them before turning red-faced back to Ron.

He just looked at her, his ears as red as tomatoes, his mouth forming words but not making any sounds.

Hermione rolled her eyes and sighed. "Oh... oh, _bloody hell_." And before Ron could react, she put an arm around his neck and pulled him in for a kiss.

"Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding me," Snape muttered. He turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing in the doorway, an amused expression on his face. "I suppose _you_ were behind this?"

Dumbledore smiled. "On the contrary, Severus. This was all Peeves's doing. Although it would seem that you've been enjoying yourselves these past few hours." His eyes twinkled merrily. "I daresay that if young Mr. Weasley hadn't reported his friends missing, your wardrobe would match your hair."

Snape groaned. "I'd forgotten about that."

"The dangers of playing Truth or Dare with teenagers, Severus," Dumbledore chuckled.

"Apparently."

"Er, Professor Dumbledore?" Harry asked with a grin. "Can we get out of here now?"

Dumbledore nodded. "Certainly, Harry. Although someone will have to peel Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley apart." He gave Harry a wink. "I'll leave you to it."

"Do I have to?" Harry wrinkled his nose in distaste.

"Come now, Mr. Potter," Snape smirked. "It's not any worse than what _we_ had to witness between you and Miss Lovegood."

"Point taken," Harry laughed, glancing over at Ron and Hermione. "No, it couldn't have been _that_ bad."

"It was," Snape said matter-of-factly.

"Oi! Ron! Hermione!" Harry called, laughing when they broke apart looking dazed. "Could you wrap it up? I'd like to get out of here sometime tonight."

Hermione put a hand to her face in embarrassment, but Ron just grinned. "Sure, mate. We can finish this later."

Hermione smacked his arm and gave him her icy glare. "Ronald! For the love of Merlin! Haven't you ever heard of a thing called _discretion_?"

"Oh, right," Ron winked, "this coming from the girl who kissed me in front of the Headmaster."

She blushed again, but smacked his arm once more for good measure.

"Well, then," Dumbledore interrupted, "if we're all finished here..."

Snape, Harry, Luna, and Hermione all looked at each other and grinned. "Yes," Luna said happily, "I believe we're finished."

FIN

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A/N: Okay, this was soooo much longer than I expected it to be... almost 10 pages. Yikes. But it was fun to write. And I know that the characters were fairly OOC most of the time, but it's a humor fic, so I really don't care. ;) Anyhoo, here are the requirements that were in the challenge: 

_Harry, Hermione, Snape and Luna are all trapped in a dungeon room overnight. They have an interesting conversation. _

_1. Luna and Hermione must both curse at least once.   
2. Snape has to tell one joke (in his special fashion.)   
3. Someone has to grumble abut Dumbledore.   
4. There's no food or drink in the dungeon room, and no one's skilled enough at Conjuring Spells to get any. _

So there you have it, folks. Hope you had fun. ;) Please leave me a pretty little review!


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